We live in a generation where the prettier or more handsome you are, the better your chances of survival are. It’s not being shallow. No. No. It’s fitting into society as we know it; A jungle where people like E.M.O can’t wait to throw shade at you. Myself included but you’re all used to me.
So today is the day I will never forget. I wish I experienced this when I was still in primary school because my composition would have gotten a 40/40 score. No, I did not meet the love of my life. No, I did not win the lottery. No, I did not wake up in Beyonce’s body. Finally, no, I did not wake up to a car in my drive way and Kshs.5000 in my wallet.
Lundi, 21 Août 2017.
THE DAY I THOUGHT I COULD HACK THE SLAY QUEEN LIFE.
Oh I learnt my lesson. I really did. I’m officially sticking to my boyish ways. The day started out alright. 6:30 AM: Slight clash with dear mother about how my room could be tidier. 6:40 AM: Rolled out of bed. Did my laundry. Found time to look at the clock till 7:30. Then I remembered I had places to be. Off to a cold shower.
Now the real problems began. “What will I wear? Do I really want to wear that? What to do with my hair? These brows tho, gotta fix them up. Lipstick or lipbalm?” Come to think of it guys are really lucky they can throw just about anything on. Absolutely anything and not get judged. Except for the guy I saw in a dress on Sunday that was just wrong. Pray for him people.
I settled for a black top, a yellow Ankara skirt and black boot-block heels. C’est stupide. Mistake 1: Choice of foot wear. I can’t even walk in sneakers right and here I am wearing these shoes. Mistake 2 happened sometime back but I accept the repercussions more each day. I couldn’t draw a decent eyebrow even if my life depended on it. Yet here I was with my mother’s makeup kit doing only God knows what. Didn’t turn out too bad though. Mistake 3: Leaving the house like that. Why don’t people stop me? Why don’t I stop me?
Sure I felt nice. Really nice actually. I got a few smiles. More cat calls than I’d expected. Half off the fare price and some pretty good pictures. In short, I was killing it. I was on fire figuratively but my feet were brewing something serious. Short walk from my house to the bus stop? Oh easy peasy. When I got to town! Words could not describe what my feet felt. Hell, excruciating pain and torture could not cover what it felt like.
First, you need to walk nice and slow. Too fast and you’ll hit the floor in the most embarrassing way. Walk too fast and all your make up starts running down your face. Especially the mascara and eyeliner, raccoon eyes is unsightly really.
By the time I got to class, I’m tired, angry, confused but since I’m stunting today I’ll smile and walk in like the princess I am. I doubt I learnt any French today. I was distracted thanking God for so much. My boyish ways, the invention of Ubers, sneakers for ladies and team natural. I will never again undermine ladies who put on a full face of makeup, wear heels and walk around looking happy. That needs the grace of God. Its work! Its a hustle! If I ever dress up this much again, there’s some guy I’m trying to impress and he’s got some strong voodoo charms on me. Boyish and comfortable will work for me!