Dancing With The Devil.

Soooooo. It’s been a minute or two or an entire month but guess whose back?!!! Your ray of sarcastic sunshine! I have been away not because I’m sick or depressed or working (Lord I wish I was working. Being broke is so bad it should be a sin.) or gyming to get to some body goals. No. I was doing what everyone does best;being lazy and giving up on things.

For a while, it seemed like nothing was working out in my favour. Not my school life, not my social life ,not my spiritual life and clearly someone is performing strong voodoo on my love life. Have you ever found yourself in such a pitiful situation you look at your reflection in the mirror and feel sorry for it? Well not me. My reflection is so intriguing it distracts me every day for ten minutes and that’s why I’m always late.

The second sin after being broke is living in this generation. The curse of our generation is conforming too easily. Our favorite rappers go on and on about partying and drugs then I’m definitely gonna light up and get fucked up with a bottle of Jack (Can I REALLY afford the Henny they all sing about?). My favorite artist says he has different girls for every day of the week then I’m gonna have a fistful of girls even though I can’t afford to maintain them. My favorite celebrity is popping pills,drinking flat tummy tea and going under the knife every few months and she looks good then hell I want to be booty popping too. Sign me up for whatever she’s doing. Before I get called out on being judgemental, I’ve done most if not all of these things so,calm down, I’m judging me more than you are.

There’s always that moment in your life, be it a second , a day or an entire month when you hated who you were becoming. The raging alcoholic, the human chimney, the biggest trap king or the baddest bitch.( I don’t understand how anything with bitch is a compliment but oh well what do I know.) I had my moment and I’m honestly ready to let it go and be lame again.

Maybe its just me but I’ve got a feeling there’s a lot more of us out here. I don’t like whiskey. Actually, I detest it to some extent. The smell,the taste, the different shades of the amber liquid just don’t appeal to me. However, for almost two whole months, I found myself laughing the night away and forcing it down my throat many a times. Sureeee, I’ll start it off with wine and/ vodka cause who ever embarks on something they don’t like sober ey? It warms you up inside and unleashes the dance freak in you. It can also shut you down fast but oh well,different strokes for different folks. Where was I? Oh yes! My whiskey problem. My whiskey problem has a name, an address and some friends I’d really never want to see again. It all begins and ends with that look in his eyes. That dangerously attractive gleam in his dark emotionless eyes.

It was fun. It was exciting. It was a blood pumping through my veins at 100m/s kinda feeling. The reckless speeds, the endless partying, the fun filled memories, the neon lights, the dinner bills ,the midnight tales we spun. Oh those beautiful midnight tales. All these memories I wish I never made. In the spirit of positivity though, I learnt quite a lot. (1.) I am really good at pretending. (2.) I am a terrible liar. (3.) I prefer vodka over whisky but would choose wine over water. Number one and two kinda contradict each other, so choose one.Number three is on drugs too huh?
I don’t know how far along this road I’d gone when I realised its not what I want. Maybe it was all the late nights. Or the nasty feeling in the morning. Maybe it was the look everyone gave me as I got back home. Or all the nice outfits I had to buy to look nice in. Maybe it finally hit me that I’m not about this type of life.Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against partying. I’m not. I’m against me doing things I don’t want to. 

It took me two months of pretence and killing my liver for me to see that I love being a boring girl. I want to read poems, watch movies, eat popcorn, fantasize to Ed Sheeran’s music and read a book with a glass of Sangria in one hand. I want to have long exciting conversations about fictional worlds and characters. I need to have the occasional update on drama in people’s lives.

First of all though, I need a hitman to take out my Whiskey Problem. This is one persistent person. Maybe he’s half human half donkey cause he can be an ass. We might never know if I keep dancing with this devil.

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